SECURITY

Certain things should be left in the past,
Happy memories, when you need them, will last
I can look back, at times engraved in my soul,
Looking forward is the greatest goal.

Many thoughts onto which I cling,
My childhood was such a wonderful thing.
Then I grew up, no security for me,
Sent out into the world to become what I’d be.

The one thing I will always crave,
Lost security, probably follow me to the grave.
With so many worries day to day,
Still trying to cope, doing things the right way.

The years have rolled by, my children have grown,
One day soon they will have to stand on their own.
Hope they don’t feel the same as me, cheated.
Their security will always come free.

ALLISON M

MY TIME

As I wrap my quilt around me,
I’m on my own, my place, my time.
Escape from life and things that hurt me,
Am I selfish? – I don’t think so.

I dread to wake in the morning,
Another day to suffer the pain.
I can hear it calling me,
Come and join another day,
I’d love to but I’m afraid of all these things.

Can you understand these worthwhile tears?
Because I care very much, people put on me.
Things I can’t share,
Confidence! they want to get it all off their chest,
It doesn’t help me to sit in my chair,

All these people going round in my mind,
Some of them friends, some of them not.
Can you help me? – I really don’t ask,
Perhaps I should but I’m afraid of the answer.

There are people that do but most of them don’t,
Just look at me, I’m the biggest fool.
To take on these tasks that are beyond me,
Not just me, I can’t be on my own.

There must be somebody out there,
Who’s hearing my soul screaming out,
“Take me with you wherever you’re going”.

I’ll take anyone on board,
As long as they’re sincere.
On a long, dark journey,
To find out who we are.

It’ll be an adventure, that I know,
When I get back tomorrow.
As I wake,
Will I get an answer? – not yet,
But it’s never too late.

Allison M

SNAKES AND LADDERS

Snakes and ladders, not just a game,
It’s a way of life trying to survive.
Everytime I find a ladder,
The snake coils around my legs,
To make sure I stay at the bottom,

Sometimes I get halfway up,
But the snake at the top,
Ensures I move back down.
Throw the dice, have another go.

This time I land on a snake,
So further down I plunge.
To the point where there are no ladders just snakes,
The big pit of life, full of them,
Most of them poisonous, some of them not.

But how can I tell?
If the venom doesn’t get me.
I’m likely to get the Qi crushed out of my being,
Suffocating to death through lack of ladders.

A scarf made of snakeskin,
That you cannot take off.
All of a sudden, snakes and ladders,
Is not just an innocent board game.

Compare it to life, so ruthless and cruel;
Next time I feel like playing,
I'll roll the dice,
And maybe play a better game.

Allison M

TRUST

When the trust has gone,
It doesn’t take long,
For the rot to set in,
It’s my sin.

Where do I begin,
To tell you,
I never totally loved you,
But I do care very much.

It wouldn’t really matter,
How much I explained,
You never listen,
To what causes pain.

You’re the injured party,
So you say,
My life is not my own,
But still I must pay.

For things I’ve done in the past,
Trusting a man with my feelings,
That’s the last,
Never again will I come clean.

Abuse and threats, well that’s plain mean,
We only get one go at life,
That’s what we’re told,
But my escape is my soul, it's already sold.

Allison M

DEMONS AND MONSTERS

It’s been another stormy night,
Nothing to do with the weather, just another fight.
To wrestle with feelings and constant pain,
Oh! no, it’s starting to rain.
Pull the shutters down, total blackness,
My eyes adjusting to see unreal madness.

Demons and monsters that have come to play,
Why won’t they all go away?
Staring eyes spilling tears of blood,
I’m stuck here in the filthy mud.
My legs won’t work as I try to run,
Can’t even shoot them with a gun.

They creep and slither all over the floor,
They’ve got back-up, I’m expecting more.
I’ll cling onto hope for as long as I can,
Time’s running out and I’ve no other plan.
But I’m a strong person inside I know,
I’m just not ready for that final blow.

Allison M

WAY OUTSIDE

Net curtains fluttering in the breeze,
Wind whistling through the trees,
Outside,
Way outside.

Radio playing all the old songs,
That’s where my heart belongs,
Outside,
Way outside.

In the past, nothing ever lasts,
My today will be tomorrow’s past,
Freedom, no way, my life is cast,
Outside,
Way outside.

Out of reach, I have no goal,
Ambitions long gone, life’s taken it’s toll,
Outside,
Way outside.

Where the air is cool and dark and lonely,
There will be me and my soul only,
Outside,
Way outside.

That’s okay, I like it that way,
For terrible things now I must pay,
Outside,
Way way outside.

Allison M

DEPRESSION

Depression is a very strange thing,
The bottom line is you just can’t win.
You wake in the morning feeling rough,
Can’t take anymore, well that’s just tough.

You try to fight it all on your own,
Go to the Doctor, to me that’s unknown.
I haven’t the time to sit all day,
Waiting for a Doctor, what could I say?

How can you explain something’s not right,
Fears and strange dreams all through the night.
They’ve no time to listen, just give you pills,
Can’t seem to cope with no physical ills.

So here I sit moody and frowning,
With the dread that I’m drowning.
I try to eat but feel like choking,
Bloody Hell!, I wish I was joking.

Allison M

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FEARS

How does my head work? - I don’t know,
Why the fears? - ones I can’t show
Things I’m scared of but nobody sees,
Perhaps they can, still can’t help me.

Afraid of nothing, that’s how I live,
Except at times I get what I give.
It’s certainly not deserved just yet,
Why the constant fear? - it seems so set.

Nothing changes, but does all the time,
My life full of retribution and crime.
Love they say will conquer all,
Can it be the solution? – it’s not my call.

Living on hope is so unstable,
Fairy tale life, yet another fable.
Without my music to guide me through,
I’d be with Angels standing in a queue.

What is an ordinary day?
Please let me know, I intend to stay.
Not to be burdened with difficult tasks.
Nobody gets anywhere if nobody asks.

Somebody tell me, whisper into my ear,
Then I can stop ciggies and drinking beer.
I know the answer is out there somewhere,
To stop the fears I need someone who cares.

Allison M