"Illegal Alien? I didn't know"
Claimed the Scottish Baroness,
"I just made a simple mistake.
"There was no way for me to guess."
"Well!" said the immigration man,
"It isn't very hard;
"You could check her passport
"Or her work permit, or identification card."
"Ah! but I thought she was a local"
The Baroness then said
"What?" said he, "With purple skin.
"Five arms and an extra head?"
Bato
Angus took up bowling indoors,
'Cos he didn't like the rain outdoors.
At first he thought it a bit of fun,
But Angus had only just begun.
He found that he was rather good
At positioning the wayward wood.
He could always find the Jack,
And now young Angus can't look back.
Playing for Wales, he went to Leicester;
Found the singles quite a tester
Still he took the bronze for third,
But it wasn't the medal he preferred
He stepped up for doubles, and played it bold,
And Angus came home to Wales with GOLD!
Bato
To the tune of Bobby Shaftoe:
Tommy Atkins went to war
And soon his feet were bloody sore
All 'cos of the boots he wore
Footsore Tommy Atkins
They gave him clothes that didn't fit
And told him "buy some better kit"
They really treated him like shit
Poor old Tommy Atkins
He didn't have a bullet proof vest
Because his needs were not assessed
Tommy got shot in the chest
Heroic Tommy Atkins
The bullet wound turned real smelly
Poison spread down to his belly
Tommy's insides turned to jelly.
Poor sick Tommy Atkins
They sent Tom to good old blighty
Telling him (though quite politely)
You're no longer quite so sprightly
Go home Tommy Atkins
Tommy applied for compensation
THEY turned down his application
Saying "you'll have to prove causation
Prove it Tommy Atkins
Since his compo's been refused
Tommy feels he's been abused
Tommy has now turned to booze
Drunken Tommy Atkins
Tommy cannot get a job
People think he's just a slob
But of his good name he's been robbed
Jobless Tommy Atkins
Tommy Atkins lost his house
And Tommy Atkins lost his spouse
And now he's treated like a louse
Homeless Tommy Atkins
There's a covenant alleged
A promise and a solemn pledge
So why's he living in a hedge
They lied to Tommy Atkins
Bato
Tonight I'm drifting the astral planes,
I firmly believe, as easy as it rains,
Where will I stop, where will I go?
When I reach the right level then I shall know,
I've been travelling now for so many years,
A past life nearly always appears.
Could be above the clouds or under the sea,
Reaching out - beckoning to me.
There is a sequence that always runs,
First it's drowning then the noise of guns.
Still trying to get myself past that stage,
Must learn to contain my anger and rage.
What awaits me when I get to my bed?
Anticipation fills me with excitement and dread.
I'm certainly embarking on a journey tonight,
I know when it's coming, it's useless to fight.
To start a new level would be a fresh breath,
But it can only happen after my death.
